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Post-application stress disorder |
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Written by Thea Kindusch
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Wednesday, 10 March 2010 |
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As the weather warms, as the soggy Northwest winter evaporates into a dewy Eastertide, the heavy, deep stress of applying to colleges dissipates into the cool spring breeze.
It is a refreshing release of a dismally heavy burden, and yet it is bittersweet. Yes, there will be no more bribing teachers for recommendations, no more abstract essays of introspection, self-discovery, and personal achievement (true or not), no more angry outbursts targeted at the sorry technological mess that is commonapp.org — but the sudden end of that love-hate relationship is subtly jarring.
Now, opportunistic and starry-eyed seniors are forced to halt their train to success, and suspend themselves indefinitely upon the precipice of college acceptance. The mounting anticipation of dates like January 15 or February 1 have passed with placid anticlimax, and now we wait. We wait in the mist of expectation, trying to discern a shadow of a result through the impenetrable fog.
But we cannot force that shadow to appear unwillingly — it will only emerge when, and if, college admissions deem it ready. “Will my personal essay stand out? Did I remember to change the school name on the essay I recycled six times? Does each of those schools even have the programs I praised in my essay?” It’s time to let these worries, these interminable inquiries, rest. Put them to sleep, lay them down and let them be. Now is not the time for analysis. Now is the time for patient acceptance and complacency.
This may not be an easy task — there will inevitably be those little things in daily life, those small occurrences that you never really noticed that cast your mind back to the application days — those cute little reminders in your inbox, the packages with handwritten labels and notes telling you just how special you are waiting on your doorstep when you get home after a long day. You’ll miss snuggling up with a college viewbook, looking at the smiling faces and remembering that fall, walking across campus under the maples and oaks, watching the orange leaves gently fall. They made you feel like you’re not like the other applicants they’ve been with, that you’re really unique. And now they won’t even return your calls. It’s okay, it might work out — maybe someday you can visit again and stroll across the quad just like you used to, it’ll just be a little different. Don’t worry. It’s not you, it’s them. You can beat yourself up but it won’t do any good; it’s out of your hands now.
You just learn to move on, go back to your normal life. They might still tease you, sending you notes that you rip open just to find say nothing more than “Your FAFSA is due by the 15th.” Don’t let yourself get caught up in it, it’s nothing personal. Just wait it out and see how things go. And if it doesn’t work out, if they’ve decided they’re looking for something different at this stage, just remember you are special, you are unique — just not as much as the other applicant. So cuddle up with a pint of Chunky Monkey, it’s just a month or so until April 1.
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